Would it be okay if you never knew?

I say that seriously, too. There’s a thought I have of me undressing you. I slip my hand around your waist, there you are, finally looking at me differently than you ever have before. Would it be okay if you never knew?

Sometimes, I think about that thought before I go to sleep at night. Other times, as soon as I wake up. Like a bolt of lightning, it flashes in and out of my mind during any given day. For all of eternity, though, I will be the only one who knows. 

Our circumstances have led us here. You are you, and I am me. I could never tell you. 

You’ll get married. Have kids. Live a full life. And you’ll never know.

Think about all the countless thoughts that never turn to action. The countless thoughts that die in the subconscious. The countless times you dream of something you’d never dare speak of. How different our lives might be. 

I guess we should learn to acquaint ourselves with the idea that we’ll never know. But is that good enough?

On one hand, it’s kind of sad. On the other, it’s happy. Maybe that thought of you is as good as it gets. The perfect ending to our story. Or even better, the hope that you’ve thought about me the same way. Have you considered telling me?

I guess...we’ll never know.

*This article is part of the ongoing Morning After series: short, reflective pieces on thoughts, feelings, and ideas about life. I write them the “morning after” a night out.